Gods and Monsters
by freeangels43
Summary: Read the full summary in chapter 1 The Skinny: Erwin has a daughter, she joins the military in order to mend their broken family. Has romance but the story is not run by it. ErenxOC AND ErenxMikasa AND ArminxOC AND SashaxConnie. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW IT'S REALLY GOOD COMES WITH A PREVIEW!
1. PreviewSummary

**Summary**

 **"Four years old with my back to the door. All I could hear was the family war…" Cyrena has watched her family fall apart, now she plans to hold together the only pieces she has left but if she can't let go of the past, there is no way she can move on to the future. Not to mention, her family might not want to have anything to do with her. After befriending the all-around sweet heart, Armin Arlelt and his unpredictable, seemingly psychotic friend Eren Jaeger, also their Amazonian accomplice, Mikasa, Cyrena might have a new definition of family. Just as soon as Cyrena is sure of this, everything starts to slip away.**

 **Hi! So this is my first fanfic and I'm super excited, please read and review, otherwise I might get bored and stop writing. Then again, I might not, I'm a mystery like that. I made up a few things about the show to fill some grey areas, though I obviously don't own the show so I don't think I need a disclaimer. ArminxOC ErenxMikasa but also sort of ErenxOC. And here's the preview...**

 **Preview**

The flames illuminate our faces, turning Armin's fair hair into a glowing halo around his face. The fact is inevitable: we were born to die. Ash and debris are floating around in the air, polluting whatever struggled breaths I manage to catch. My lungs are fire. My chest is fire. Everything around me is engulfed in flames. But still, at this moment everything is so beautiful. The titans are swarming at the bottom of the foyer, their moans are collecting in the high ceiling and then echoing back. The smell of burning flesh is as ripe as Fall harvest. This is the end. I know I've said it a million times before, but this is it. There is no escaping, there is no avoiding. Even now, though, that fact doesn't scare me. Armin takes my hands and my heart starts to race faster, his eyes are wide and intense, but soft and forgiving.

Tears roll down my eyes.

 _I'm going to die._ I think. _Oh God._ Armin puts his other hand on my face and wipes the tears from under my eye, and in that moment everything clicks. All the scattered pieces fall together in a flash before my eyes.

I'm seeing who I am.


	2. Chapter 1

_My name is Cyrena. I am fourteen and a half years old. I come from Shiganshina. I was there That Day. I survived. My mother is dead. And my father, well, he might as well be…_

Sun light slowly fills the room, illuminates her skin. Cyrena squints and shields her eyes, blinded by its heavenly rays. She rolls onto her back and lay still, staring up at the ivory ceiling. Colorful refractions from her mother's blouse bounce of the beads and dance on its surface. Her white comforter is glowing as dust is dancing around in the still air. It is ethereal, she thinks, yet such beauty can do nothing to lift a heart like Cyrena's. So heavy and full of emptiness, it aches fresh but with old wounds. The calmness of it all settles over her like a metal blanket and, despite the necessity she doesn't want to move.

 _It's time to start the day, Cyrena._

She tells herself and seems to sink deeper into her bed.

 _Get up._

She turns her head and stares at her mother's glittering blouse and a skirt lain out neatly for her on the back of a mahogany chair. She remembers the lights at her mother's show, so blinding and beautiful, especially at that last one. Blue hydrangeas, and clear blue skies, lilac perfume and white sunshine. Mother was young and pretty. Her mother received a lot of gifts from hopeful suitors in the interior. That blouse had to be worth more than what most families make in a year in these parts. Still, that blouse was one of the only things she has left of her mother, plus her heart is too full of emptiness to feel any guilt about wearing it. So in one swift and determined will, Cyrena is up, dressed and headed down stairs before her mind has a chance to say no.

Her feet are heavy down the creaking wooden stairs. She lives in a farm house in the South side of Wall Rose, along with the odd couple, Oby and Merrigan Lou, and her sister, Alani Fletcher. Alani was with Cyrena during the Titan attack, but before they lived together in an orphanage. They are not real sisters, but she likes to pretend they are. Alani is blind, but she's the most cunning sonuva bitch Cyrena has ever met. And Oby and Merrigan, they're pleasant people. The girls used to call her Mother Mary when they were young, and they said she has a heart made of honey and stars in her eyes. Oby wasn't too nice, though, he loved beer a little too much. None of that matters, Cyrena knows, because today is the day she leaves for the Cadet Corps. One step closer to dad, she's been thinking.

"Mornin'" Merrigan says when she hears Cyrena. "Want some breakfast?" Her fiery red hair is up in a ponytail and she has an apron wrapped around her waist. She stands in the kitchen stirring a pot, Oby is at the table reading a newspaper, a cup of coffee in his other hand, and he doesn't even look up. The two of them are facing away from Cyrena so they don't see her frown, when she scans the room there is one person missing.

"Where's Alani?" she says finally.

"She left early to go fetch some firewood." Merrigan answers innocuously.

"By herself?" Cyrena asks dubiously.

"Of course not, she took Boris."

Boris is the dog. They have him and a cat named Lovely who is MIA also.

"No goodbye?" Cyrena asks, hurt.

"I guess she couldn't take it." Merrigan shrugs sympathetically. "Oh honey, don't worry, I'm sure she'll be back before your time, and even if she's not this isn't goodbye. You'll see, in three years' time you'll be graduated and then we'll have you back full time. We'll be a family again." She says cheerily, with a grin that slices her face in half. Her words were meant to be cheerful, but it ends up feeling like a punch in the gut. For one, she isn't planning on coming back. Not after the three years, not ever, which is a betrayal to Mary, a woman who sees her as family. She opens her mouth to speak but the words die in her throat. Instead, she smiles.

"I can't wait."

(PAGE BREAK)

"Straighten those spines piss ants!" The Commadant stands above us on what looks like a gigantic rock, or a mountain. His voice is rough and commanding, like it's struggling through sand paper.

"The 104th Cadet Corps starts now. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Cammadant Keith Saides and you _will_ grow to hate me! Training is gonna be a white knuckle-ride through hell! If I've done my job right you'll be waking up in a cold sweat from nightmares of this place for the rest of your miserable lives!"

Cyrena scans the rows of new cadets, everyone's face is the same, terrified but determined. They all have something to prove, it's all in their eyes.

"Right now you're nothing. _Livestock_. But over the next three soul crushing years you're gonna learn to take down your own Goliath! Remember this moment when you come face to face with it. Now is the time for you to ask yourself this question: am I a fighter? Or am I feed? Am I gonna be ground to human bits between to boulder-sided sizers? Or am _I_ gonna be the one to bite?"

Cyrena gasps at the memory of _them_ , of their mindless, dead eyes and that terrible moment when they are on you…

And then she thinks of her father.

 _I am a fighter._ She whispers, shaking. _I've got warrior's blood in my veins._

And the fear in her seems to disappear, for now.


	3. Chapter 2

**Hiya! So, just a few extra notes I forget to mention earlier. 1. Some of this is based directly from the show, but a majority of it is based in the three years during training and before Trost. I may or may not add the Battle of Trost portion to this story, it all depends on how long it is. Maybe I'll write a part two. Anyway, spoiler: the first few chapters might suck a little bit because it's an introduction and intros are always boring. But hold fast, it should start getting interesting pretty soon. If you have any questions feel free to message me or leave a review. If you have any suggestions, leave a review. If you think the story sucks, hell tell me. Don't be shy! Okay well, here's Chapter 2…**

 **Note: I'm switching to first person because 3** **rd** **POV is interpersonal and annoying. Now I'm done.**

 **Cyrena**

 _My name is Cyrena. I am fourteen and a half years old. I come from Shiganshina. I was there That Day. I survived. My mother is dead. My father might as well be. I am a member of the 104_ _th_ _Cadet Corps, my goal is the Scouts._

Orientation took four hours. There are roughly 387 cadets in our class, of those I remember only a few names. Jean Kirstein from Trost, nice face structure, hoping for placement in the Military Police. Mina Carolina from Karaness, I think, the only reason why I remember her name is because it rhymes. Armin Arlelt and Connie Springer, both had been head-picked by Saides, at least once. And finally, there's Potato Girl, though I don't remember her real name. She had a close brush with death today after talking back to Commadant. She was caught in the ranks eating a potato. I am not kidding. It was actually hysterical, and disappointing, and terrifying. Saides didn't actually kill Potato girl, just revoked her meal privileges and told her to run until sun down. Right now she is passing by our living quarters, her face is red and dripping with sweat and she is already tripping over her feet.

Me and a few of my new classmates are sitting on the porch. I'm sitting in a rocking chair behind two boys I recognize from the ranks. Armin Arlelt, and the dark haired boy, who never said who he was. Saides passed our row, about five or six of us. My guess is that we are all survivors, hailing from Shiganshina or Maria, or possibly some of the other outliers. If there were any survivors at all.

"Man, I thought Saides was gonna kill potato girl." Connie says, he's on the other side of the porch along with Mina and Maxwell(?).

"I know, what a hell of a first day." The dark haired boy agrees, "It's funny, being told to run until the sun sets didn't seem to bother her nearly as much as losing meal privileges for the next five days."

"I think she said she was from Dopper. If I remember right, that's a small hunting village in the mountains." Connie explains. Just as he says this I see a carriage moving up the rock on the other end of the field. And just as I wonder, as if on cue the dark haired boy says:

"Hey, what's that?"

"They're drop outs." Mina says. "They prefer to work in the fields."

"But it's only the first day." I chirp, my vocals betraying me. I am an exceptionally shy person in new places, but I just can't believe anyone would rather pull plants than fight.

"That's the way it is." The boy pitches in. "If you can't handle the pressure, you gotta leave."

Connie and Maurice(?) and Mina all look over at the boy, like he said something wrong, like it's a shock. I, personally, wouldn't have said it any other way.

"I can't believe" he continues, "Anyone would rather pull plants than fight."

I gasp inwardly and look up at the boy. He's staring distantly at the carriage of drop outs. There's something about his eyes, the color of a grey sky, that say a lot more than I can read. It's funny, how closely our minds work. Maybe he will become one of my new friends. There's something about starting at new place, you look at everyone and wonder who you'll pair up with and who will remain insignificant. Malachi(?) stands and faces the boy.

"I know about some of us, but you never mentioned where you were from, Eren." He says.

 _That's his name._ I think as if I had accomplished something. Eren slaps Armin on his shoulder.

"Same as Armin. From Shiganshina."

That's what I figured. Connie-and-friends eyes' widen, I can feel the color drain from my face.

"Oh wow," Martin(?) stutters in awe, "That means…"

"You saw it. You were there That Day." Connie interrupts with a mischievous glint in his eye. The look of a curious child, I think (his buzz cut does make him look rather juvenile).

" _Quiet_." Marco(?) says sternly, but he is blatantly ignored.

"The Colossal One. Did you see him?" The excitement in his voice is unmistakable, and unreal. A testament to his ignorance. If he actually knew what they were like, he'd wish he didn't. Ardently, I fight flashbacks. Eren's eyes grow dark.

"Yea. I did."

[PAGE BREAK]

The inside of the Dining Cabin is lit by candles, like flickering lights. There is one that shines above Eren andf on him, like a spotlight.

"Yea, okay? _I saw the big guy._ "

Eren sits amid a crowd of eager classmates. I'm alone in the corner with a book, trying to bury myself in its pages. I'd rather not participate in story time. I spent a long time trying to forget it, but as I try to get lost something anchors me in reality. Maybe it's the sound of his voice, or the cacophony that is all the others.

His groupies gasp. Whispers of bemusement sprout up from his crowd.

"No way."

"Woah, seriously?"

"Unbelievable." They say. A boy named Samuel is the first to actually speak.

"Okay so exactly how tall was it?"

"It stuck its head over the outer wall." Eren say innocuously.

"No way! I heard it stepped over the wall completely!" someone says.

"That was the rumor in my village too!"

"Mine too!"

"Nah, he was big, but not _that_ big." Eren continues. How could he be so nonchalant? If he remembers all those things: the Colossal, the breach, that first Titan that entered the walls- how could he not be frozen in fear…

My heart is panicking inside my chest. I try to breathe.

They all sound so excited, as if we were discussing our favorite foods, or puppies and finding out that someone has the same favorite as ours. Not recollecting a terrible tragedy that resulted in the inhumane slaughter of nearly a fifth of the population. It was a day that should have only existed in a nightmare, yet they discuss it as if it were a saviors' holiday. I roll my eyes.

 _Focus._ I think trying to get back to my book.

 _The top of Katahahdin was just ahead. We could see it through a break in the cold, misty clouds that whirled around us…_

"So what did it look like?"

"It had a mouth like a corpse." He answers, "And no skin just muscles."

I fight to keep the image out of my head.

 _Read._

 _Henry wanted to race for it, but I shook my head. Those last hundred yards were heavy ones, in spite of the stiff, rocky climb I was cold and shivery…_

"And the Armored Titan? The one that broke through Wall Maria?"

"Is that what they're calling it? In all the panic it was just another Titan to me."

I've had it.

"Can we talk about something else, please?" I ask sharply. Everyone looks in my direction, even the Little Starlet, as I call him. His eyes look blue in this light, and they're tinted with resentment. He looks me up and down once and then everyone returns to story time.

"No way, so what are they like?"

 _Bastards._ I think, hatred spreading through my chest like a wildfire. I close my book and walk out of the room. Once outside I take a deep breath and look up at the moon. It's almost curfew. I flip through the pages of my book without reading them, I don't even notice that there is another person on this porch.

"Story time not doing it for ya?"

I almost scream. Armin steps into the candle light and I let myself breathe.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." He says.

"You should know better than to go sneaking up on people." I reply, regaining my composure. "You're lucky I didn't throw this book at you." I say, lifting it up for emphasis. He smiles a little and I notice, his eyes are super blue. Like, unmistakably blue. Like God-took-a-giant-piece-of-the-sky-and-stuffed-in-his-iris-blue.

"Is it any good?" he asks. I look at the cover.

"What this?" I'm holding it with two hands now. "Define 'good'."

He smiles, a genuine smile. His voice is deep, but not deep in a manly way. In an I'm-smarter-than-you kind of way, if that makes any sense. It's screams practicality but it's smooth like honey. And for some reason, his smile makes me feel like I'm pouring warm honey over my heart. Weird, but that is exactly what it feels like. And a small smile tugs on the corners of my lips. Just then, the bells ring, telling us it's time to return to our respective dorms. I'm hugging the book now.

"Well, I'll see you later Armin." I say as the door opens behind me. I move out of the way so I don't block the people inside.

"I never got your name." he stops me. I pause for a second.

 _My name is Cyrena._

"Cyrena." I say finally.

"Bye, Cyrena." He responds. The way he says my name, with a twinge of admiration, or I could be mistaken, either way I feel warmth swell in my chest, like the sun is shining over it.

 **Hey again! So I'm going to end it here because it's late as hell and my computer is about to die. I hope you liked this chapter. It's pretty much been there, seen that, bought the T-shirt but I did add some original parts so I hope you liked those. Please leave a review and I'll get back to you soon!**

 **-freeangels43**


	4. Author's note

**Hola! (jk I failed Spanish) Me again. Just wanted to give a few updates, I decided I'm going to split this up into three parts, The Cadet Corps, Battle of Trost, and when she joins the Scouts. That being said, I should probably clarify the plot of this portion of the series. This portion is less on family matters and more on her building her relationship with the cadets, namely the Shiganshina Trio. I wouldn't say it's a love triangle, more like a love pie. Imagine a circle with the names of all of the main cadets surrounding it, and then imagine a bunch of lines connecting those names based on who's in love with who, whose official and whose not. That's basically what it is. It is more realistic in that sense.**

 **Now the story line is not driven by this mess, well, not exactly. Cyrena has done everything she can to erase her past, she even changed her name and her place of origin. As of now she only has one goal, live through cadet training so that she can join the Survey Corps and rekindle her relationship with her father, who has been MIA for five years. During Cadet training, Cyrena makes new friends and enemies. Eren Jaeger is an insufferable radical, but somehow Cyrena understands his madness. Armin Arlelt is a flower-crown weaving sweet-heart but sometimes he's practical to a point of frustration. And Mikasa Ackerman is just about everything Cyrena wants to be with a few unrelenting scars of her own. In these three she learns what it takes to be a family, but sometimes it doesn't matter how close you are. Secrets are secrets for a reason. And just as Cyrena starts to forget this, she is given a grim reminder…**

 **You don't really know someone until you know things about them that make you uncomfortable. That's the main theme of this story. The frictions caused by hidden scathes can get in the way of your relationships all while tearing you apart inside. That is a really long note, and you might have skipped through some of it. I just figured some people might want some clarity. OTP's include ErenxOC, ArminxOC, ErenxMikasa, and later SashaxConnie cuz I love them with all my heart and I ship them hardest second only to Eremika (I'm such a geek and so cocky about it). Alright, NOW BACK TO THE STORY**


	5. Chapter 3

**Cyrena**

"Its aptitude test time so listen up! There is no place for you here if you cannot perform. Fail and be shipped to the fields."

We hear Sargent Sardis voice but I have absolutely no idea where he is. I lean against the axel while Mina puts on the ODM gear. It's a big structure with four wooden beams that form a pyramid, hangin from it's tip are two versatile ropes that attach to a belt. There is a wheel and axel made for when I turn it, it should lift Mina off the ground, and hopefully, she'll stay up straight. We were assigned partners while we drill fundamentals. Mina was assigned to me.

"I don't think I'll ever get used to all this yelling." She says, fiddling with her belt.

"You will." I say flatly, but I'm not really paying attention to her. I'm scanning the crowd of cadets out now. Some are conversing in the middle of the park, waiting for their chance to do the ODMs. Others are already on the machines. It only hit me now that I'm looking for Armin. For validation, I tell myself, because last night was kind of surreal. A flash of hit blonde hair would be good enough.

"You sound confident." Mina continues. "I don't know. In Karaness we're kind of quiet. I mean, all we do is weave baskets and trick fish into biting hooks. That kind of work requires patience and concentration, the exact opposite of all of this."

"Not the exact opposite."

"Where are you from?"

I look at her and freeze.

 _My name is Cyrena. I am fourteen and a half years old. I am from Shiganshina. I was there That Day._

"Are you from Shiganshina, too?" she asks. My words are like a rock in my throat, and they don't want to move. I give her a tight smile and nod microscopically. She looks at me knowingly.

"I knew it. The way you reacted to Eren talking about the Titans, it must have been awful." I look away from her.

"I've been through worse." I say nonchalantly, mocking the Little Starlet.

"Seriously?"

"No."

"Oh." she sounds half relieved. "Well I'm sorry. If we upset you yesterday."

Mina is so sweet, it's hard for me to hate her. In fact, I decide that I don't hate her, no use in trying to hate someone. Just as there is no use is in trying to love someone. I look back at her and smile.

"You didn't upset me." I say. Of course, this is a lie. But I believe lying is not a sin if it is only to protect someone's feelings.

She smiles at me, I smile back, and again comes the heartwarming fuzz. Although it doesn't feel like honey, it still feels pretty good. Mina's the one who breaks the moment.

"Okay, I'm ready." She says. I realize she means the ODMs. So I step back and with all of my might I twist and twist and twist until she's off the ground.

 **Eren**

"What is your major malfunction Jaeger?! Straighten yourself up!"

I don't know how it happened, but the world is upside down. Blood rushes quickly to my head but it does nothing to fuel my brain.

 _Why am I- How do I work this thing?_

I look out into the sea of people that are now standing on the sky. They're all laughing at me. I feel a black hole open in my chest.

 _This_ can't _be happening!_

[PAGE BREAK]

"Just remember the basics and you should be fine. No need to try any fancy maneuvers, just focus on your balance. Then distribute the weight evenly between the belt and your legs." Mikasa instructs. I listen to every word she says but none of it makes sense. What about the rest of my body?

"Loosen up your stance a little bit." Armin adds, "I can do it, I know that you can."

Gotta give Armin credit, he knows exactly the right thing to say and when to say it. This time, though, it only helps a little bit. I'm still nervous as hell, if I don't get this I'm going to be plowing horse shit for the rest of my life. I'd rather be fodder.

"Okay…a loose stance but balanced. Let's give it a shot Armin." I say.

I can do this.

Armin nods and spins the axel and I feel pressure where the belt is.

Loose but balanced.

My feet begin to lift and I begin to feel a rush of confidence.

I got this. Loose but balanced. That should be easy.

But then as soon as my feet are a significant distance from the ground I begin to rock. I try to get myself steady but it's no use. I scream as I feel gravity pull me to the ground- no, it's like I'm getting pushed. And in a flash, I see nothing but white,

And then darkness.

 **Armin**

"Hey Daz, he was talking real big about butchering all the Titans yesterday but he got real quiet after ODM training, didn't he?"

"I guess it's the fields for him tomorrow. Can't keep wasting food on the useless." Jean and his obnoxious friends are conversing over the other table.

 _Just ignore it._ I think. Over the years, it's gotten easier, sometimes, to push people out of your mind. And sometimes it's not easy at all. I think back to boys who used to bully me back home. I never saw them again, they must have gotten what they deserved.

I am instantly horrified by this thought and decide to refocus my attention on Eren. He is staring blankly into space with new white bandages wrapped around his head. I can tell he is using his brain to death while his thoughts have taken him prisoner. He probably doesn't even hear the other kids talking about him. Mikasa touches his shoulder, something cracks and he yelps out in pain.

"Worrying won't solve a thing. There's still time to get in some practice come morning." There I go relying on good old rationality to save the day. It usually does, at least for me. If only a little bit.

"How pathetic." Eren says, "How am I supposed to kill them if I can't even stand up straight?"

My brows furrow in sympathy. I hate it when my friends are upset. It's almost impossible for me to be happy when they're down. It's almost like I feel their pain and joy as if it were my own, it is both a gift and a curse. I try to pick my brain for a solution. Mikasa has a different reaction.

"I think it might be time to let that dream die." She says innocuously, just as she says everything else innocuously. This, however, does surprise me. And Eren.

"What do you mean?" he asks getting defensive.

"I think you should give up this attempt on being a soldier. There's a lot more to fighting and combat than just throwing your life away in vain."

Eren is incredulous.

"What are you saying? After everything we saw that day? After what happened to my mom? You're crazy if you think I'm just gonna walk away!"

 _Not this again._ I think.

"I get it, but it doesn't matter how determined you are."

"It- wait-what do you mean?"

"Because whether or not you're fit to be a soldier isn't up to you." She looks at Eren through placid eyes, and Eren's scowl could scare children. It's amazing how opposite they are, they fight like this all the time. And yet, we all know that without Mikasa, Eren wouldn't survive a week. Eren knows it, too, but he would never admit it even if you threatened his life.

The bell rings and everyone stands.

"Don't misunderstand me-"Mikasa starts, but Eren isn't ready to Listen. He stands up quickly beckoning me to follow.

"Let's go Armin." He says. He's furious and desperate, and probably having a full on panic attack behind that shell. That is a disastrous mix of emotions that I do not want to detest, so with guilt I respond compliantly.

"Okay."

We may never know what she said.

 **A little switch up in perspectives, I figured it was due time. Read and review, you might get a shout out :)**

 **-freeangels43**


	6. Chapter 4

**Armin**

On the way out of the cabin I look for Cyrena. With her long black hair it's kind of hard to tell who she is from behind. I spot her sitting at a table by the door with Mina and Annie, she's sitting on the edge of her seat listening intently to whatever it is Mina is saying. I didn't get a good look at her yesterday, almost everything about her was obscure in the darkness but now I see her clear as day. She has pale skin, but not so pale that it looks lifeless. And her black/brown hair hangs loose down her back in waves, except for two braids on top of her head. Her eyes, from here, they're the color of the salty sea. A dull blue-green combo, exactly how the book describes it. She is inarguably the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, something born from a dream. And she wears a very expensive looking embroidered blouse. It's white with a diverse plethora of flowers stitched along the neckline, which sits low enough on her chest to expose to top part of her breasts. I quickly avert my eyes back to her face, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks. She's pretty busty for a girl her age, there's no denying that.

 _Shut up now._ I think. The blouse hangs loose on her body like a small tunic, and from there she wears a standard grey skirt and shoes. I didn't realize I was staring until I approach the table and Mina looks at me. She must've said something because now I have Cyrena's eyes on me. She smiles when sees me, and it makes me feel immortal.

"Hey Armin." She says, her voice is friendlier than it was the day before.

"Hey." I respond, that's about all I have to say. For the first- second- time in my life I am utterly speechless. I just keep staring at her smile, I didn't know a face could be so perfect. It's really not fair.

"Are you okay?"

"Yea I'm good. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Your face is red." Cyrena says, and Mina giggles.

"You look like a tomato." Mina adds, Cyrena looks at her friend and smiles, but she doesn't laugh. I open my mouth retort but then I hear Eren's voice.

"Armin, let's get a move on." He says.

Something changes on Cyrena's face, her smile disappears. She tries to cover it by sipping her water.

"Duty calls." I say quickly. She nods at me, mouth full of liquid.

"Let me know if you need anything." She says when she swallows.

"I will do that." I say and then head for the door but I stop Midway. "Actually," I spin around, "There is something you can do for me."

 **Cyrena**

Armin wanted me to help Eren with the ODM's. Truth be told I only barely understand them myself, in a convenient level of mediocrity. Even if I could teach him, I'm not sure I'd want to. The way he looked at me yesterday, it was stubborn and pretentious. I don't think he's anything more than a loud-mouth bragger-tough-guy-wannabe pretending not to be as piss scared as the rest of us. That being said, I do feel a twinge of guilt. I don't like being unable to help people, assholes and friends alike. So seeing Eren's face at dinner, his tender vulnerability, pinched my gut like a bad memory. But at the end of the day it's not my problem. _He's_ not my problem. I came here with one goal: Join the Scouts, fix my family. Anything outside of that range is obsolete, including, and especially, Eren Jaeger.

I did, however, out of the goodness of my heart recommend someone who can help. Bertolt and Reiner seemed to really gain the attention of the Dean. Other than Mikasa Ackerman I'd say they were the best.

Now I'm in my living quarters, which I share with all girls. This girl named Annie Leonhart, she hasn't said a word since yesterday and has a quiet aloofness that is quite unsettling; Mikasa Ackerman, also very quiet, doesn't say much to anyone but Eren and Armin, she amazes the School board with her immeasurable skill, she amazes me, too, and probably everyone else. There's also Mina, to my pleasure, and a few girls that are out. Krista Lenz, Ymir-something, and Sasha, poor Sasha. I think Annie and Ymir are former refugees, too, witnesses to the Titan Attack a couple of years ago, I don't know if they were from Shiganshina, though. I know Mikasa was, her, Arlert and Jaeger are the "Shiganshina trio", which is a little insulting given I've made it adamantly clear that I hail from Shiganshina, too. Recognition, however, is out of my goals range. It doesn't matter how much I matter, I just want to get through these three years and finish in the top ten.

Annie lay in her bed facing the wall, Mikasa is under my bunk so I don't know what she's doing, but she's silent. I let Mina braid my hair while trying to write a letter to the Lous. The longer I try to write, the less creative I get. It's actually quite irritating, and very discouraging. On my lap sits a book and a blank paper, and the ghost of words I cannot conjure. Eventually I give up and start listening to Mina talk about miscellaneous things, her family, Karaness, why she's joining the military. She says she hopes for placement in the military police, like most other cadets, but if she doesn't get placement she'll be fine.

"Only the top ten get to serve in the MP, and the odds aren't really in my favor. I'd like to live in the interior but I can't imagine I'll be in the top ten." She explains. I like Mina's company. She's honest but not in a repulsive way. She's always smiling unless she's in the ranks, and she's so…normal. Girly, I mean. When I'm with her I can open up and stop being the serious, tortured soul. It's like I get to be that normal girly girl I would have been had circumstances not dictated otherwise. It's a relief, it's almost unreal.

"I think you could make the cut." I say.

"Really?" she runs a brush through my hair and the slight pressure on my scalp makes me spine tingle.

"Of course I do. You start by wanting it, and then you give it your all, like you have no other options. And that's how you win." I rephrase what my mother told me when I said I wanted to teach everyone in the world how to read. I wanted to write stories and share them with the outer walls. That was when I thought I could change the world, which was before the world changed me.

"I don't know…" Mina sounds unsure, I try a different approach.

"You can have my spot if I make it in the top ten. I'm not going to the MP." I say. She makes a sound of disbelief.

"What? Why would you turn down the MP? What could be more- "she stops? She must know, or at least she have a theory.

"You're gonna join the Scouts?" her voice waivers like she's not sure if she's right, or like she doesn't want to be right. I nod, her hands are squeezing my hair and it hurts, but I don't say anything.

"Why?" she asks. I feel a giant weight settle over my heart. In a flash the world is replaced by these images. I see a suitcase by the door and shattered glass shards on the floor. Then it looks like I'm under a bed, Oby stumbles in the room with a bottle in his hand. He's looking for me. Everything has a fuzzy edge to it…

"I uh…" I don't know if I should tell her the Commander of the Survey Corps is actually my father and that he left us five years ago to be a Scout. I can't tell her that my mother died and I lived in an orphanage in Shiganshina; that I'm really from a city within Wall Rose, my life just has terrible, terrible timing. But I want to. She makes me want to tell her things, but I don't want to depress her. I don't want to dull her shine with my dull life. So I do what any good person would do, I lie.

"I just want to see outside the walls."

 **Kind of lame ending but I figured this was getting too long. I should have the next chapter up really soon, though. Hold tight!**


	7. Chapter 5

**Welcome back! So I recently started watching Sword Art Online and I think I'm in love with Kirito. Like seriously my god I almost love him more than Eren. Maybe a little bit more… So back to the story, sorry it's been a while, let's just say I've been busy. But I'm back now so yay. Shout out to The Everlasting Non Sequitur for your extremely helpful review, it's cuz of you I know what a Mary Sue is *thumbs up*. And well that's it. I relinquish the mic to the MCs…**

 **Cyrena**

I passed my aptitude just barely. I felt myself flipping as I was being lowered, but by that point I had already been graded and they weren't gonna strap me for that. My heart is still beating pretty dangerously as I walk around the field with Mina as the others finish their tests. All the teachers were giving tests so none of them were watching us, after our test it was pretty much just a free period. Most cadets are kept, but some of them are cut and a piece of me goes out to each of them. I finally couldn't handle it after one of the cadets broke down and cried, so I asked Mina if she wanted to go for a walk. We talked about random things again, leaving out the parts about me wanting to be a Scout. It was uneventful. Connie Springer stopped us and told me I was cute, which was weird, we threw pebbles at birds and we laughed a lot. Other than that we just talked, until it was time for Eren's test. I don't know why but I really wanted to watch him. I'm inexplicably devoted to seeing his fate, subconsciously gambling in my mind- will he make it? Do I want him to? Does it matter? The answer to that last one is no, or at least that's what I tell myself.

 **Eren**

I hear the thud of my heart like the thunder of drums. Everyone is watching me. There's Armin in the front. And Mikasa. And Riener and Bertolt. And Sardis in perfect view. He towers over me boaring his intensely hazel eyes into my skull. Sweat drips down my cheek and it's not even that hot.

"Eren Jaeger." He says, "Are you ready?"

"Yessir!" I yell at the top of my lungs but it feels more like a cry for help. The pressure of the situation makes my body buzz like an active bee hive but I have got to pull my self together.

 _I'll do it… I have to do it. I might not have the talent, but I'm more determined than anyone else here!_ I think through chattering teeth.

Finally.

"Begin." As the Commandant declares this I am hoisted into the air, the creaky sound of machinery vibrates through my whole body and I shudder. Remember what they taught you.

 _Screw the glory. I don't care. But that's all I've got!_

My feet are off the ground. Furrowing my brows I throw my hands out to my side and arch my back for balance.

 _This is my weapon!_

I'm doing it. I'm actually doing it.

 **Cyrena**

Mina and I push through the crowd of people- most from our class- to see Eren being lifted. I run into Armin's back but he barely gives me a glance, he's watching Eren and so am I. I feel anticipation and hope swelling in my gut.

 _Come on Eren._ I think without thinking. _You got this._

He is when he is five feet above the ground the spinning stops. He's air bound and he's doing it. He's actually doing it. I feel a surge of relief wash over me and a big grin break out onto my face. He looks down at his body with shock and awe. He has a million dollar smile plastered on his face and I can't take my eyes off of him. Everyone cheers, or maybe it's just in my head, but then he starts rocking and I feel something in me collapse. Armin makes a choked sound when Eren hits the ground. He's now hanging upside down, struggling to get back up but it's no use. I feel a lump rise in my throat, no tears, just pain. He's still struggling.

"No- wait! Once more!" he cries. He's still fighting, how can he still be fighting?

Sardis looks down at him. Though I can't see his face I can tell it is disappointment.

"Lower him." He says and Eren falls to his knees. I feel my heart diw when I see his face. Puffy eyes, hopeless. There's nothing he can do.

"I'm…finished…" He chokes out. The air is heavy until Sardis speaks up again.

"Wagner, give Jaeger your belt." He says. Murmurs of confusion arise through the crowd and its at that moment I realize I'm squeezing Armin's arm. He doesn't seem to notice or he doesn't mind.

Perplexed and caught off guard, Thomas quickly snaps back a crisp "Yessir!" and within minutes Eren is hanging normally from the ODM rack again. He is sweating and his face is a look of befuddlement but he is hanging perfectly none the less, better than me. But I don't understand…

"You're equipment was flawed." Sardis said. That makes sense. "If given a functional piece of equipment you might not be useless after all. The clasp on this belt is broken. I might have to visit the supply depot and crack a couple skulls."

"He still did it… even with that busted gear…" someone says.

It's amazing. I am impressed. I smile again and look at Mina. She raises her eyebrow at me and I roll my eyes.

 **Eren**

"So…I didn't wash out?" I ask hopefully.

"You made the cut." Sardis confirms. "Now get back to your training soldier."

I feel a breath of fresh air race into my lungs.

 _I did it! Hell yea!_

I look out at Mikasa and Armin.

 _What now, Mikasa? I can do it! I can fight the Titans! You don't have to worry about me anymore!_

 **Third POV**

"I wasn't sure he could pull it off." Reiner says.

"Look! His eyes are saying check me out," Armin adds.

"He's not." Mikasa says, and everyone looks at her. "His eyes are saying he doesn't have to leave me. Not anymore."

 **Cyrena**

Later that night, I have trouble falling asleep. I always have trouble, but tonight it was different. I didn't feel dark in the night, instead I shined like a flame in secret. A heat coursing through my blood when I remember his smile. Why did I care so much? Whether he kicked it or stayed? I tell myself it's because I hate to see people fail, my cold heart is still fragile but there's a voice fighting to be heard in the back of my head. I ignore it, though, there's no need to be getting distracted or taken off track.

Training. Scouts. Dad.


	8. Chapter 6

**Eren**

 _Kill them all._

I feel a surge of rage pump through my veins as I strike my opponent.

 _Every last one._

I drive my feet into the ground, squat, and in one calculated movement send Armin flying above my head. He lands on his back with a thud, his face twisted in pain. I suck in a breath.

"Sorry Armin. I didn't mean to-" I start but Armin cuts me off.

"No it's fine." His voice sounds pained, as he gets to his feet. "I don't need you to go easy on me. Go ahead, give me everything you got."

I look at him with concern. Armin has the heart of a lion, true, but he bruises like an over-ripe banana. That's why when he said he wanted to be a cadet I was shocked, but not really. We had always said we were going to join the Scouts, I just always thought Armin was entertaining my fantasy. I always saw him growing up to be a teacher or something. I guess this isn't so bad, though. For all his vulnerability Armin is by no means weak. He's just human, like us all. Still, I don't like to be the one delivering him the beating.

"Why don't we take a break?" I offer. Without answering he goes to grab his towel and starts wiping sweat off his face. I sit on the dry dirt ground, Armin does the same and for a moment we sit in silence, watching our classmates training. It's super hot and there is not a single cloud in the sky. I pull on the collar of my uniform- a brown jacket with the symbol of the Trainees Squad on the back. I wish I could take it off, but the Commandant would have my ass if I did. I look up at the sun, blinding and bright, so bright I have to shield my eyes with my hand. And then Armin says:

"Where's Mikasa?"

"She's somewhere around here." I say nonchalantly, "How am I supposed to know? I'm not her keeper."

Armin looks away like he had a retort, but thought better of it. We sit again, watching our classmates.

"There were never this many kids in Shiganshina." He says finally.

"Yea." I say, remembering what my father said about me not being an outcast.

"Can you believe it's been three years?" He picks up a weed and starts to strip it. "Sometimes it feels like forever ago. And sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday."

I open my mouth to say something but I'm cut off.

"Hey what's that?" Armin points to a group of cadets gathered in the middle of the field. They're shouting something but I can't hear from over here. Armin and I exchange looks before racing towards the scene.

There are too many people, Armin tries to jump and see over their heads but he's too short, there's no point. I start to push through towards the center to see what's going on. It doesn't take long for me to realize, I don't even have to see to be sure. Whoever's in the middle of this crowd is either getting their ass beat, or beating someone else's.

Sure enough, I'm right. When I finally break through the crowd, in the center there is a big girl- short red hair, broad shoulders, and tall- standing over another girl. This girl is tiny- probably shorter than Armin- with black hair, dirty pale skin, her jacket has been discarded exposing her bare shoulders in a black shirt. She is on the ground, covering her face with her arm but I immediately recognize her. She's the girl that stormed out of the caf on the first day. The other girl who was there That Day. What has she gotten herself into?

"Get up!" the girl with red hair says. Cyrena crawls away from the girl, her hair covering her face. She must've gotten hit pretty hard.

"Come on!" the girl persists and kicks sand in her direction, "You said you were a soldier!"

I clinch my fists. She looks so helpless, like she's in a corner. I want to do something, but I can't move. I'm frozen in a world alone with only me and her and the red head girl.

"I think you were lying." The red head puts her face close to Cyrena's. "You're so weak. Look at you. You're nothing but some bureaucrat's trash." And she kicks her side with a bone crushing force. Cyrena screams, and with that I'm moving towards the center, or rather my feet are moving me. I rush towards the two girls and I pull the red head back, moving in front of her, in between her and Cyrena. I don't know what to do now, I've never fought a girl. Do I have to fight her? Let's try not to. I put my hand out like I'm taming an animal.

"What's going on?" I sternly, all the while I'm thinking: _What would Armin do?_ She frowns when she sees me.

"Who the hell are you? Get out of here. Mind your own damn business." She snaps.

"She _is_ my business." I say and turn around to see her reaction, she is shocked and defensive but overall submissive, "And I'm not going anywhere."

I don't even know what I'm saying but I'm sure it's not the right thing. Her scowl gets deeper.

"You must be really stupid-"

"Leave 'em alone!" I hear Armin call from the sidelines and then he's rushing to my side. I feel a wave of relief at the sight of him.

"Unless you want to know how it feels when I break all of your bones." Mikasa appears to my left. I didn't even know she was in the crowd. But she's here now and I see a look of hesitation cross over the red heads face, quickly replaced by a resolute demeanor. She looks between the three of us.

"Well, what's this Ci Ci? Are they your body guards?" her voice becomes high pitched and condescending like she's talking to a child. "We were just playing- right, Ci Ci? Why don't you tell your friends they don't have to worry-"

"Cut the shit." I remove all the patience and reasoning from my voice because Armin's here now and that's his job. She frowns at me again and tilts her head dangerously. Her eyes are yellow like a snakes. I turn my attention to Cyrena, Armin is already bent down trying to assess her but she's looking at me. I can't read her face. Is she grateful? Offended? I can't tell.

[PAGE BREAK]

We help Cyrena to the cafeteria. She insisted we take her there rather than the nurse. She was able to stand so I doubt anything is broken, and that fact alone is the reason why I agreed to skip the nurse.

 **Cyrena**

Eren helps me onto the table. His body is so warm, hot actually, that I freeze when he lets me go. Armin breaks away to find some ice and bandages in the kitchen, and Mikasa leans against the doorway silently, arms crossed. I think she might be annoyed. I would be. I feel embarrassed. I feel ashamed. I feel angry. I feel pain. And I feel like I want Eren to touch me again. It's an unwelcome thought but it takes over, and as grateful I am I want to punch him in his stupid, hot as hell face. He made me look weak, like a damsel, just as Rowan portrayed me to be, but he made it real. And I hate him for it. And that's why when he examines me face I avoid eye contact with him.

He pushes my hair behind my ear and moves my face around with his hands. The contact sends chills down my spine and turns my stomach into water. I like this feeling way too much, and when he tries to move my head to the left I stiffen my neck.

"I'm fine." I say and look down, "she only hit me once."

I can feel his skeptical eyes on me but I pretend not to notice.

"What about your rib cage?" he asks. His voice is sexy.

 _Stop it._

I put my hand on my rib cage. It hurts where I touch it but I won't let him know that.

"It's just a bruise." I say nonchalantly. But it hurts so bad I want to cry, but tears are for the weak.

 _You're so weak._

Eren tries to lift my shirt slightly to see the bruise but I clutch my shirts hem in my hands. I left my jacket on the field, of course. I'm always making mistakes.

 _Look at you. You're nothing but some bureaucrat's trash._

My lips tremble and despite my most adamant denials giant tears start to spill from my eyes.

 _I thought you were a soldier._

I thought so, too.

"What happened out there?" he asks.

The truth: She saw me beating up the dummy and started commenting on how weak I was. I ignored her initially but then she started talking about how I didn't belong here, how I belonged in the interior getting fat with the bureaucrats and my lazy mother and I just snapped. I hit her first. The whole thing was my fault. But I don't tell Eren this, I don't want him to think that he helped the wrong person. I just sit there and cry. I breathe heavily and whimper. I feel like such a little child. That thought makes me cry harder, but not louder. After a few seconds Eren puts a hand over mine and I'm overwhelmed with a comfort I haven't felt in a while, and I stop crying.

For the first time, I look into his eyes. Actually look into his water blue eyes and it feels like world disappears as I try to read them. He's not sure if he can help me but he wants to, he really does, but why?

Before I can ask Armin returns. I hear his heavy footsteps stop in the doorway to the kitchen. I didn't realize how close mine and Eren's faces were. I could kiss him, or slap him, but I don't do either (though I want to do both) I just move my head back and turn to Armin. I smile when I see him, he's holding a tray with an ice pack and a glass of water and some herbs on the side. His face is unreadable, something frail but he recovers quickly.

"Sorry I took so long. I just went to borrow some herbal remedies from the infirmary…I thought you might need them." He says shyly.

"You stole from the infirmary?" Mikasa sounds incredulous.

"That is bad ass." I say supportively, and impressed. He lights up at my recognition. Mikasa scowls, but again, I choose to ignore it.

Armin hands me the tray and we get to work on my wounds. I tell them my story, they tell me there's. We all leave out very important details, I know, and the three of them clearly have a lot of history together. But that's okay, I don't feel like an outsider at all. In fact, I actually feel…good. And that's different for me.

It's good.


	9. Chapter 7

**Hi again! So I'll be updating more or less frequently these days. I have Summer school so…I could strategically destroy a Titan onslaught with my awesome brain powers but I can't conquer Geometry with a tutor and a pencil. So that's my life story. Also, I forgot to give The Everlasting Non Sequitur another shout out, you're the real MVP. And that's it. Read and review, ya know, all that basic stuff. I'm going to try to add different POV's, not just Cyrena and Eren's, but for now those two just seem more convenient.**

 **Cyrena**

My pencil scratches in his hair on my paper. I darken the outline of his face and his eyebrows, keeping my not book close because it might be a little creepy that I'm drawing a picture of Eren Jaeger when I should be paying attention. Truth be told, I'm doing both. I had a dream about him last night, it wasn't romantic or anything, I actually don't remember what it was about. That's the funny thing about dreams, they start to disappear as soon as you wake up. But nightmares, they stay with you, sometimes impossible to forget.

"What surviving historical documents we have access to tell us nothing of the Titans origin. Almost everything about them is obscure. Now that isn't to suggest we are completely ignorant. Thanks to the efforts of the Scout Regiment we do know something of their ecology." Professor speaks at the front of the class. Eren sits at the table in the first row along with Mikasa and Armin, of course. I'm in the row behind them with Mina and Thomas Wagner. Everyone is taking notes, and I'm "taking notes".

The dream, it had something to do with a key.

"Whether Titans possess human-like intelligence is up for debate, of course and to date there have been no reports of high level communication between them."

It was so ethereal, I remember the feeling of dreaming but not the actual dream. He gave me a key.

"We do know that Titan physiology is fundamentally different from most organic life. As they lack reproductive organs it is unclear how they reproduce."

I fight off images of steaming titan sex that threaten my imagination. How the hell do they reproduce? I mean, if that's not an option…

 _Some type of asexual reproduction, possibly?_

"Apart from this to all appearances their physique resembles the average human male. We also know their body temperatures run quite high, and, baffling though it is, their appetites seem geared exclusively towards human beings. In fact, a Titan's driving principle seems to be this appetite. Given that they have subsided for over a century without access to their only source of nourishment, however, we have surmised that the creatures do not, in fact, consume us to live."

Everyone in the class gasps, there are frightened murmurs all around me but I have forgotten how to breathe.

"Let that sink in." Professor continues, annunciating each word, "Titans aren't motivated by hunger as such. They are simply in it for the kill."

I drive my nails into my palm and clutch my stomach, holding my unfinished masterpiece in my lap. I feel like I could retch right here, right now. I saw one Titan bite a lady in half, her blood spilled down its hands arms like red tears. I saw crows land on corpses and pick the meat off their bones. That's why I freaking hate birds. Ever since That Day, I had been somewhat envious of Alani. She will always remember the fear she felt, there is no doubt about that. But the horrid image, her handicap has protected her from them, and in that way she is the luckiest girl in the world. I wonder what she is doing now, as my entire body starts to ache. Suddenly I feel warm skin cover my hand. I turn my head and see Mina smiling at me sympathetically. She touches my hand, and I'm suddenly over come with a strange warmth that I don't feel that often, but I guess lately I've been feeling it a lot. I smile back reassuringly then turn my attention back to the teacher.

"The terrifying vitality of these creatures is beyond scientific dispute. We have only to consider events of the recent past to see this. Mankind has long possessed cannon technology, as you are aware, though, that alone proved tragically insufficient. Even with their heads blown to bits Titans persist. Though there is some variability on this score, a Titan's head usually regenerates within two minutes."

"Is that true?" Thomas asks with a bead of sweat dripping down his temple.

"As if their size wasn't scary enough." Franz adds.

The classroom is alive and restless, Mina squeezes my hand really hard.

I just feel numb at this point. Of course I already knew this, I watched the bastards regenerate with my own two eyes. When Alani and I were cornered I picked up a crushed soldier's swords and tried fighting off that Titan. I cut off her/its fingers. Multiple times. They just kept coming back, we would have been dead if this soldier didn't steal its attention. I never found out whether or not that soldier survived. I guess that means he didn't.

"Excuse me, sir!" Marco jumps to his feet with his hand in the air (I learned his name finally). "Are you basically saying the Titans are immortal?"

Professor finishes a drawing on the chalkboard. It's of a person looking down, exposing their nape.

"No I'm not." He replies. "There is, in fact, one way to insure death." He circles the nape, a perfect freaking circle, so perfect it makes me just a little bit angry.

"Strike here." He taps the board. "If the back of the neck receives adequate damage, the Titan _will not_ regenerate. This is the jink in the proverbial armor."

He walks over to a table with to blades on display. The shine slices my eyes as they land on them.

"That is where, you may have surmised, these pair of flesh-bearing blades come in. A good deep strike with one of these to the weak spot and the monster is left with no time to regenerate. They die and stay dead."

I feel a smile tug on the side of my lips.

 _Finally._

[PAGE BREAK]

Tomorrow we start field exercises, sword bearing and knife wielding. The dangerous stuff. I have to say I am buzzing with excitement, but my stomach is still numbly aching after everything Professor said. The rest of today we are cleaning the campus. I am wearing a regular powder green blouse with a burgundy skirt and a white apron, also a white scarf covering my hair, tied in the kitchen by Sasha: my cleaning clothes. This might have been what Rowan was talking about, most cadets only have one outfit to wash and keep wearing, and I have exactly three. Truth be told, I wore this outfit to class also. Flaunting a false affluent heritage is no longer entertaining. So I keep my mother's blouse folded under my pillow. I'm going to need it when I approach my father after all these years, in case he doesn't recognize me. I have grown a lot, what if he doesn't recognize me? What if he doesn't want me because I look nothing like him or mom? What if he just plain doesn't want me? I mean, he left for a reason, what if I was that reason? Did my family fall apart because I was born? Were they just unable to juggle the responsibility of a child while chasing their dreams, and he just…left? Is that what happened? I push these thoughts into the back of my mind and decide to revisit them later. I have work to do now.

I pull open the curtains, letting in an explosion of light and blue sky. It's so bright I have to squint on impact. Mina is on the other side of the room, dusting off vases that line the fire place in the lobby with Sasha (because girls are supposed to have "delicate hands'). Krista is sweeping, slightly, because there wasn't anything on the floor to begin with. Armin is dusting of the picture frames on the walls of different birds, Thomas[G1] [G2] [G3] is getting the higher placed ones. I already hate this room. Annie sits on the bench of a table, back to us all, examining the feathered duster she was given. Classic Annie. Everyone is silent until Mina speaks.

"So what'd you guys think of the lesson?" she asks. I twist my neck to see her but I don't look her in the eyes. No one answers right away. "Pretty weird stuff right?"

"What's weird is how we've managed to go over a century and only learn, what? Five facts?" I say, thinking out loud.

"And most of it is just a bunch of conjectures." Armin adds. "Truth be told, we don't have a lot of solid information about their origin, or their physiology, or anything really."

"One hundred years…" I say again, picking up a bucket. "How could they remain so obscure?"

"Well for starters, they scare the hell out of people." Thomas says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. I suppose it is. "I mean, who's gonna get close enough to actually study these things?"

"The Scouts." Krista offers.

"Well, yea, but suppose one of them actually learns something. They'll probably just get killed before they can report it to anybody."

"With that kind of morbid cynicism, I'm surprised you're not one of Shadis favorites." I say sarcastically.

Thomas scoffs. "Does that guy like _anyone_?"

"He's a tough nut to crack." Mina says.

"I don't know, he seems to like you a lot, Sasha." I tease, getting on my knees to sponge the floors. Sasha snorts.

"Are we talking about the same Shadis? God, he _hates_ me." She say. I grin.

"Nah, I think Connie has it worse than you." Mina states. I laugh, thinking of all the time Shadis had him by the head like a cue ball.

"Guys guys!" Marco say urgently, running in from the next room with a duster in his hand. "What if Shadis keeps picking up Connie by the head, and his neck starts to stretch and stretch it gets super long?"

We all laugh, except for Annie, who sighs unimpressed.

"20 bucks by graduation he's gonna look like a giraffe." Mina says

"At least his head won't look so big." Thomas adds, and we laugh pretty hard at Connie's expense.

"It's called tough love."

I wipe the sweat off my head with my sleeve and take a breath. My lungs hurt, I feel like my abdomen is squeezing itself. I had totally forgotten about Dad and the Titans and all of the world's un-fun things. I look out the window. It's about noon, the sun is at its peak and from the window you can see where the grass ends abruptly where the ground drops twenty feet and makes a cliff. This area is very hill-y. And on the curve of the cliff I see someone, they're just sitting there. Slacking off while we slave away indoors. I've grown to accept Annie's lackadaisical behavior, but I won't take it from anyone else. I squint my eyes to see who it is. It's a boy, with dark hair and the cadets' uniform. I can't see his face, but I know who it is without thinking twice. The same guy that stepped in front of me and a bully. The same guy that gave me a twisted double take on the first day we met.

 _She_ is _my business._

Heat rises in my chest like a bonfire. I throw down the sponge I had.

"I'll be back." I announce and make my way towards the cliff.

[PAGE BREAK]

 **Eren**

Everything is glowing in the yellow noon sun, and the grass stands tall, bowing down to the wind. The sky above is unapologetically blue with few clouds, only a few white blots here and there. I stretch my legs out and tilt my head back, leaning back on my arms and breathe in the early autumn breeze. And then I thought hits me.

 _This is just how the weather was that day._

I frown, and close my eyes, fighting images of lightning bolts and blood splattered lilies. I see the face of the Titan that killed my mother, with its torn grin and dead, merciless eyes. And then I see images of my mom, her sweet smile and hazel eyes and sun kissed skin and her long dark hair, and I am overwhelmed with grief and self-loathing. I remember how I yelled at her, how I disobeyed her to the end, even as she was dying and begging me to honor her one last wish. I don't usually pay mind to these thoughts, but Armin said I should spend time alone so I learn how to calm down and think things through. At first I thought it sounded stupid, now I see it's just torture. Being alone forces you to think, and what if you spend your whole life trying _not_ to think about things? It's so much harder to forget. My eyes are wet, so I quickly convert my grief into anger. I remember the Titan hoards entering the walls, and people screaming as they either died or watched someone they love die.

 _Kill them all._ I think passionately. _Every last one._

"Hey." I hear a girl's voice, it's not Mikasa's, and she sounds pretty annoyed so I ignore her hoping that she'll go away. " _Hey."_ She says again, with more force and I recognize her voice immediately. It's Cyrena.

"Lemme guess, you pissed off a squad of cadets and you need me to come play hero again?" I say haughtily, just because I know it will piss her off.

"I didn't _need_ your help yesterday. You are _not_ my hero." She says through gritted teeth.

"You have a funny way of conveying gratitude."

"Why the hell would I be grateful to an impulsive psycho for stepping into the limelight when I didn't need you in the first place? I bet you were ready to fight someone anyway, I just gave you a moral pass."

I turn around quickly.

"What the hell is your problem?" I snap but then I stop. All the tension is released from my body when I look at her. She looks…in those clothes- the apron, the scarf, hair swept to the side- and with her hands on her hips she looks…and this is weird, but she looks just like my mom. Eerily so, but then not so much. They have the same soft features but Cyrena's cheeks are higher and her eyes are green. Maybe she doesn't look like her…maybe I'm just hallucinating, but something about her definitely puts me off.

"My problem?" she repeats loudly but she doesn't finish. She just crosses her arms and sighs. I wonder what she was about to say.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asks quietly, her face has softened even though she looks like she wants to be angry.

"Like…what?" I reply dubiously. She frowns at me. And for a moment we just stand there looking at each other, different expressions on our faces. I can't read hers, it gets gradually softer but she has this look of defiance and something else. She's hugging herself and looks down.

"Thank you." She says. And I nod microscopically. I get a warm feeling in me that licks up my gut like smoke. There's a good five feet between us. I take a step closer.

"You're welcome."

Her eyes dark to mine and a flick of a smile paints her face. But just as soon as it arrives it is gone.

"Right," she says, going back to her normal tone, "So everyone is helping out but you. You need to get up off your ass and go wipe down tables or do something just…you can't stay out here." She says.

"And who the hell are you to tell me?" I murmur.

"Excuse me?" she says, I jump.

"Nothing." I say too quickly. She looks me up and down again and then walks away.


End file.
